Not all American high schools have a social caste system like in the movies. My friend went to one in a small town before she moved here and because everyone had known each other since they were kids, they weren’t vicious shitbags to each other. Also, almost everyone’s parents worked at the same mill so there wasn’t a great disparity in dough. I didn’t go to one like that. My gross high school was in a bedroom community of Seattle where a lot of richies lived and commuted into the city. A lot of their kids deep down had inverted inferiority complexes and that’s why they were mean to us.
See, whenever someone has a superiority complex, it is always rooted in an inferiority complex. They deep down feel inferior so they try to find something that makes themselves better than you so they can feel like they have worth and are not so losery. The kids who were mean to me just had absentee parents who only gave them money instead of love or they had some perv uncle fucking them or drunk crazy moms whatever.
I was very bitter that they ostracized me. The only way you got approval and Okayness from these children was if you were physically gorgeous or their court jester or drug dealer. Then you might be included. They didn’t think I was beautiful or funny, so I got hassled by the guys and a bunch of stanky popular bitches started calling me “the crazy girl” after when I told this kid who was diagnosed with testicular cancer that he didn’t have to poison himself with chemotherapy if he didn’t want to. There are alternative treatments that work with the body instead of against it.
I told him I recently watched a documentary about a doctor in the US who cures cancer and his success rate is higher than chemotherapy. He uses these non toxic peptides and amino acids that target cancer genes and tell them to turn off. These peptides also tell cancer suppressing genes to turn ON. This doctor is still working and treating people here, even though Big Chemo and Pharma which have been successfully controlling the FDA tried to have him shut down and sabotaged his clinical trials and sued him. But he is still curing people even after all the lawsuits because his patients he saved testified for him in court. His name is Burzynski and you can watch the documentary about him, it’s also called “Burzynski”. This kid thanked me and said he was going to tell his parents about it. I told him that was good and not to listen to what assholes at school had to say about it.
Naturally, I didn’t have a lot of friends so I got in the habit of being ok with being alone. It meant you had to read a lot. And be on the internet a lot. I had to eat my lunch in the library anyway. There was someone I liked a whole lot but it hurt my feelings to see him in the cafeteria so I just hid out in the library like a choad. This boy’s name was Corben and he was super handsome. He did all the requisite popular kid bullshit. He was a football star and he got good grades and he was fucking the future prom queen. She was really pretty.
One time on accident I had to sit near them on the bleachers during a pep rally. They had squeezed the whole stupid school in and there wasn’t enough room. I was watching the cheerleaders cheer and do splits so they could flash their polyester vaginas at the crowd and I had a sudden vision of all their twats in a pile on the floor and wondered how stinky they must be. If you’re mean and snotty it’s a well known fact that not only is your soul black your pussy reeks too. There was a pope who actually was buddies with Hitler and get this- when this pope died his nose instantly turned black and fell off and a foul odor filled the room. One of the guards fainted. This is a true story. I imagine the mean girls’ pusses would behave in a similar fashion.
Anyway, I had one friend nicknamed Jelly who was also a typical outcasty like me and when I leaned over and shared these thoughts with her she laughed and I looked over and saw Corben was smiling too. I didn’t think he could have overheard me but he kept staring at me in an odd way for the rest of the rally. I didn’t shoot him a fuck off look though because he had never been mean to me and I had an internal rule about not being an asshole to someone until they’ve already been one to you, even if they do seem to be part of the teen aristocracy.
One of his friends was a sicko to me though. This guy’s name was Brett and he also stared at me in class and it made me uncomfortable because he would disparage my appearance. He said I was flat as a board and dressed like a freak. He always sneered at me when he looked at me. He was pretty gorgeous unfortunately but his vibes were so mean and plus he was always fingerbanging his girlfriend of the week in the back of the classroom. Totally gross.
One time he made some comment about my eyes being too big in front of the whole class and I shot him down, mine wasn’t a good comeback but it had something to do with him having a tiny wrinkly brain and I don’t know some people laughed. And so I started torturing him. You didn’t even have to say anything too funny just say something shitty aloud about his designer jeans or how seriously he took his hair gel and it upset him.
I liked that I had the power to rankle him but then one day right after the bell rang he pushed me up against the lockers and told me to cut it the fuck out. “Fuck you!” I said and pushed him off but he held me up there for a second staring at me and it was weird. His eyes looked like filled with longing for a second and then they looked hurt. It weirded me out and even though he had manhandled me I felt bad.
I sorta understood then how chicks can be predators and get their boyfriends sent to jail. Sometimes a girl has the power to freak out a guy so much verbally and get her words all stuck in his head until he loses his shit and socks her in the face and then she calls the cops and he gets put in jail. Girls have all the power, with their verbal manipulation powers. I guess from an evolutionary perspective females had to evolve to be more crafty than guys in order to survive because males are bigger and were always hitting the females on the heads with clubs and raping them.
It made me feel gross that my ego kinda liked the power for that moment. It had been too easy to get this Brett guy super upset. Plus, he almost seemed like he was attracted to me or something. I didn’t really believe it but it did seem like that for a split second. I was unaccustomed to guys thinking I was cute cuz none of them ever did. I was real skinny and didn’t have tits hardly which pretty much guarantees you will never get laid in high school. Same with if you’re obese. You’re probably not going to get fucked then either. And unfortunately there were a lot of those kids too since Big Agribusiness was allowed to poison the food with preservatives and pesticides and hormones and genetically modified organisms. That’s changing though. People are starting to turn their own lawns into organic farms.
My parents never taught me any of these concepts. I never knew my dad and my mom was an alcoholic addict who died when I was four. I probably would have been way more fucked up about this but I got raised by my gramma Louise and she was pretty nice. She loved me. She was kind of strict and she thought I was a weirdo but she loved me and she liked it when I hung out with her in her garden, or when she was doing stuff around the house. She was pretty strong for an old lady. She didn’t have a body like mine at all. She wasn’t fat, she was really strong.
She used to say I looked like my mom, more slender like but that upset me so she quit. I didn’t know why but I didn’t like talking about her. I mean, she was dead so what the fuck was the point? My grandmother I could tell wanted to talk about her own kid sometimes but I felt like sorry, you’re gonna have to find someone else to do that with. But she was really good to me and didn’t have much money but she always made sure I got good Christmas presents and new shoes for school and stuff. I got a part time job so I didn’t have to ask her for much dough.
I worked at a filthy and poisonous fast food establishment. It was so gross but none of the kids from school came to it because it was across town so I could handle it. But I still had to scrub my entire body with a harsh loofah in the shower every night for like a half hour because I imagined the grease molecules were still clinging to my hair and skin. It was a nasty place to work but the manager was kinda nice. He smoked cheap cigars and talked about boring baseball all day long. He was always in a crotch mood because of his hernia but at least he wasn’t a perv.
I knew a girl who worked at an ice cream franchise and the manager there tried to stick his hard-on into her butt one day while she was scooping ice cream out for a customer. She made him apologize right in front of the customer for committing such a heinous act of frottage. I overheard her tell the story outside at lunch but I wasn’t really paying attention. It was one of the times I wasn’t hiding out in the library. When it was sunny everyone ate lunch outside on the lawn.
I was sitting against a tree and watching Corben. I had begun doing that since his accident. He tore his knee out during a game and couldn’t play anymore. It was a freak accident and the doctors said he would have to have multiple surgeries on his leg and even then he might still have a limp. I couldn’t help it, he had become more fascinating to me since this happened. Probably because he seemed depressed and I could relate to that. He hadn’t smiled much for the past year.
Also, he had a pretty limp. You know how usually when people have a limp they move kind of jerkily? Well he had a more rolling gait after his accident. He walked faster in order to put weight on the injury for the least amount of time. He looked like a cat does when they are sorta trotting. It was very graceful I thought. His girlfriend Mandy broke up with him. That was the rumor. I noticed he started sitting further away from all the other roman senators and their skeezy girlfriends that comprised the popular group. He started to look more alone and by himself.
That was how we ran into each other one night. Well it wasn’t night yet but it was getting dark. It rains a lot up here and is really pretty and misty grey almost all the time. I had to stay late at the library and missed my bus. I was going to have to walk to the city transit stop further away in the drizzle but that was okay. No one who lives in Washington bothers with an umbrella, that’s how you can tell if someone just moved here or not. I took the long way around the school under the giant pine trees.
That’s another thing I really like about the Pacific Northwest, it has the most gorgeous tall pine and cedar forests. The Indians used to make clothes out of the cedar bark and they revered that tree as like a mom to them. Anyway, I was heading down this one shortcut path pretty fast when a hooded figure appeared out of nowhere and surprised me and I took a dip right there. I slipped in the wet earth and fell flat on my ass. “Shit” I said as the figure leaned over and put his hand out to help me up.
“Oh shit I’m sorry” a dude’s voice said. “Uh” I said and I got up on my own. I didn’t recognize him and it was pretty dark. I felt for my knife in my pants pocket. “I’m ok” I said. The guy was tall, a couple inches over six feet. But I’m pretty tall too so I didn’t have to crane my neck to see who he was once I was up. “Corben?” I said. “Hey Angie” he said. Huh I didn’t know he knew my name. “Ya know my name?” I said. “Yeah” he said.
Then we just stood there in the darkening gloom. Normally I flee the situation when I get nervous and I was right about to but then I forced myself to be polite. The path was all slick and muddy in the dark now so I said “Do you wanna walk to the bus together?” My voice sounded like a squeaky cartoon rodent’s. “Well I got my car” he said. “Oh right” I said. Oh god. “Okay well see you around” I said. I started to go and he said “Wait.” I turned around again. “Can I give you a ride?” he asked. I was starting to get the anxiety. “Um no thanks” I said. Now you’re really stupid. You’ve liked this guy for a whole year and you turn down his ride. Yeah cuz it’s a pity ride. He’s already seen you fall on your ass and now he feels bad that’s all. Plus yer ugly. “Please Angie” he said quietly.
I said okay. I mean how sexy is that to say “Please” and my name all quiet. We were also quiet on the ride to his house. Yeah we went to his house! He asked me in the car if I wanted to and the way he asked me made me feel ok saying yes. I knew it wasn’t some joke he was going to play on me.
It was nice riding in the car with him. It was warm in there and the wipers made a nice sound. When we got to his house on the hill you couldn’t see it until we were right in the driveway. There were more giant pine trees all around. The house was dark but still it was really pretty with big windows and a two story. “My folks aren’t here” he said. “They’re at a funeral back east”. “Oh I’m sorry” I said out of reflex. “I didn’t know the guy” he said, “It was one of their old college friends.” “Oh” I said. When we got inside he took my coat and he said hang on a sec and he went upstairs and came back down with a some folded clothes in his arms.
It was a pair of boys sweatpants and one of his football sweatshirts and a flannel shirt and a teeshirt and a giant fluffy bath towel. He held them out nervously to me. It was really cute, like a little boy giving me a present. “Your clothes are all wet” he said. “Oh thanks” I said. My butt was still caked with mud. He’d given me a folder to sit on in the car. “There’s a bathroom down that hall” he said. “Thanks” I said and I took the clothes in there.
It was the fancy guest bathroom I guessed because there was a tiny chandelier hanging over the toilet and little goony towels arranged by the sink. I didn’t feel funny in his house though, because he wasn’t acting snotty about it at all. He was being really nice. I put on all his oversize clothes. I had to roll up the legs of the sweatpants and the arms of the flannel and hoodie. I kept my own bra and underwear on of course. And I carried my backpack in one hand. I didn’t ever let go of it, it was like a security blanket. When I came out he was waiting for me in the kitchen. He was sitting on the kitchen counter. “Are you hungry?” he asked. “Sure” I said.
He made us both up some bowls of cereal with raisin bran and vanilla almond milk. Then I remembered I better call Louise so she didn’t think I was run over. I left her a message and was happy I’d caught her while she was going to the bathroom or something. I told her I was going to be studying at Jelly’s til late and would sleep over. She let me do that on school nights since me and Jelly always got to school the next day and didn’t act the fool.
Corbin seemed happy too I wasn’t on the phone for long because he just started talking to me. “I’m real happy you came over Angie” he said. He got a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and took a swig. Then he handed it to me and I took a swig too. “I wanted to talk to you. I mean, I’ve been wanting to talk to you.” “Oh” I said, “Um well I wanted to meet you too”. “You did?” he said and it seemed to me his pupils dilated. Which is sign a boy wants to fuck you.
“Well sure” I said, in answer to his question. I was proud of how smooth I was being. When really I figured my pupils were dilating too. Instead I tried to concentrate on my cereal. Then I asked “Do you miss football?” It was the weirdest thing- like I was suddenly in a parallel universe because I had spent such a long time looking at this guy in the halls and never once thinking that he might know who I was. It was like watching a movie star from afar or something. But now I was in his kitchen wearing his clothes and they smelled like him and they smelled good and familiar. And we were having a conversation. That’s the only way I can describe it- I was in some new parallel universe.
“I don’t miss it at all” he said. He lifted the carton out of my hands and took another swig of juice and then handed it back to me. “A lot of those guys are assholes.” I knew they were. I’d heard about Joel. Joel was the quarterback and not such a prince. He’d actually ended up in a school for bad kids. He roofied some chick and raped her and bragged about it. I remember the day Joel got kicked out of school. It was last fall and we saw Joel leave the school on a stretcher. There was an ambulance. He was all bloody. We just knew there had been a fight but not what about. No one knew who’d beat his ass at first but then it was all swirling around that Corben was the one. I guess no one saw anything because the fight went down in the locker room and there weren’t a shitload of guys in there at the time. Then it came out about the roofie girl.
“You’re the one who kicked Joels’ ass huh?” I asked. I knew it was him. “Yeah” he said. “You didn’t get suspended?” I asked. “No” he said. “The guys that saw it, they just watched it but no one would rat on me so the coach and the principal didn’t get to find out. Joel just kept going on about fuckin her and I told him to shut the fuck up and he wouldn’t so I punched him and he got one in and we ended up on the floor and I kicked his ass. He was a fuckin creep” He paused, “But half the guys wouldn’t even talk to me after that and then I got injured so I don’t even give much of a shit about football anymore anyway. It wasn’t fun anymore.” He gently kicked the kitchen cabinet with his foot. “And now I look like the Elephant Man.” He grinned.
“You don’t look like that” I said. “Your limp is actually really sexy. You look like a big cat.” Then I turned red. “Yeah?” he said and he laughed. Then he looked at me. “You look cute in my sweats” he said. “Thanks” I looked down and my felt my face turn redder. “Hey ya wanna go swimming?” he asked. “Okay” I said then he took my hand and walked me through the living room and some sliding glass doors and then there was a lit up pool outside, steaming in the rain.
Corbin was already taking off his sneakers and sweatshirt. “Its totally beautiful” I said. It was too. The big dark wet pine trees were all around it and the only light came from the pool itself, casting bluegreen shadows up into the wet boughs of the trees. Then he was in his boxer shorts and he leapt into the water. Did a real smooth dive. He swam really graceful and again the image of a big blonde cat popped into my head. He looked like a mountain lion in the swimming pool. I’m not a bad swimmer but I was still standing there.
I walked over to the water’s edge and he flopped his elbows over the side by my feet. “Well you do want to come in right Angie?” he said. I laughed. “I got no bathing suit” I said. Truth be told I was also nervous. “I could just jump in” I said. “Do it” he said. So I did a cannonball into the pool. I came up sputtering, probably cuz the clothes were too heavy. And my eyes were stinging for some reason. Maybe it was a reaction to the chlorine. Or it was just my body trying to ruin my life. I started rubbing my eyes. “Ouch!” I said. Great now I would have crazy red eyes and a smoosh face for him to see. “What?” he said. “I got something in my eyes hang on a sec.” I started swimming over to the shallow end.
He swam after me and picked me up in the water while I rubbed my eyes. He made me open them so he could look in there. His breath smelled like pine needles and rain. I suddenly forgot about the sting and I leaned over and kissed him. His lips were full and when he put his tongue in it was delicious. We made out for a while in the warm lapping water and then he stuck his hand down my pants. “Hang on” I said.
I sloshed out of the water and brought my backpack over to the edge of the pool. I put it on the tile and pulled off the sweatshirt in front of him. He was still in the pool looking up at me. I rolled off the sweatpants and eased back into the pool in my teeshirt and bra and underwear which were completely see-through at this point. He got behind me and hugged me while I reached into the backpack and got out my emergency condom pack. I’d never had cause to use them but they were in there just in case. He laughed and hopped out of the water and rolled one on. First time I saw a guy do it. Totally weird but it was fun and I was really turned on and so wet everywhere. He splashed back into the pool and pulled me to him. He put his fingers in me first. He gently rubbed me down there and I felt so slick against his fingers. He pulled up my teeshirt and bra and cupped my breasts in his hand bending down and sucking on my nipples. I wrapped my legs around his hips. Then I put him in me. “Jesus Christ” he said. And we totally did it in the pool. It hurt a little at first but the whole hymen thing is kinda baloney once you’ve been using tampons and experimenting with vibrators since fourteen like I had.
That was the night I lost my virginity and fell in love with my first serious boyfriend, Corbin Dayson. It was weird walking to class with him and everyone staring. Jelly said we looked different. I said how? And she said we looked happier. That made me feel good. I really cared about him. I’ve told him stuff I’ve only told Jelly and it was actually easier to talk to him about my parents then with anyone else. He had an older brother who died, no one knew about that cuz it happened before they moved here and I’m the only one he told about it. It was fun talking and even funner fucking. Life was suddenly very sweet.
Copyright © 2013 by Kim Campion